Having your child sexually abused is probably one of the worst things you could have ever imagined as a parent. This can catch you off guard and you'll find yourself unsure of what you should do, how do you protect your child?
If your child discloses the abuse to you, it is important for you to stay calm, this is hard, I know, but very important.
Listen to what they have to say. Stay calm and allow them to have the space to share with you what happened.
It is important to be mindful of your non-verbal language. Having closed-off body language can feel discouraging for a child when in such a vulnerable state. Closed-off body language can be crossing your legs and/or arms. Other forms of non-verbal language are facial expressions and hand gestures. Try to relax your facial muscles so they don't perceive you as being upset as this may translate to them as you being upset with them. Same goes for hand gestures, we tend to move our hands more when overly excited or upset.
Our verbal language is also important. Don't use blaming language. Your automatic response may be of defensiveness because as a parent you do the best you can and believe your child is a reflection of your parenting, therefore, their traumatic experience may feel as though you failed them in some way. Avoid comments like, “why did you let them touch you?” “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” "I taught you not to let anyone touch you" or anything that would imply they could have prevented, caused it, or in any way reacted “better”. Tone is also crucial. Have a calm and soft tone, they will need you for strength and stability. Allow them to be the ones to "freak-out" while you reassure them they are safe.
Thank your child for sharing what happened with you and reassure them of your support. In the moment, all your child needs is your reassurance, protection, and support. The healing comes later, for now, comfort them. A simple, "I'm glad you shared that with me" goes a long way.
Once you have gathered yourself, contact your local law enforcement, call child protective services, or discuss this with any other mandated reporter to help you get the support you and your family need. They will connect you with the most appropriate resources.
If you are in search of resources in your area, feel free to check out my resources tab to find a Child Advocacy center near you or look up your local family justice center.
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