Why didn't my child say anything?

It’s hard for many people, especially parents/caregivers, to understand why their child did not say anything about the abuse to them.

There are many reasons why children don’t tell about the abuse and it’s not always related to your competency as a parent. Yes, you can be a great parent and still go through this.

Sometimes, the perpetrator convinces the child to keep the abuse a secret. There are times when the child loves their perpetrator as they may be a close family friend or family member. The perpetrator can convince the child that this is their "special" secret and the child may not disclose out of fear of disappointing them or even hurting them if the abuse is discovered. 

They could also use threats or scare tactics. This may be done to make the child believe a parent or the child could get hurt, the child could go to jail, or nobody will believe them if they disclose the abuse. 

Other times children feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid they will get in trouble for “allowing” the abuse to happen. We have taught children to "listen to adults" and when they are in a position where their instincts is to not "listen," they may shut down their initial gut instincts. Having not done anything to stop the abuse from occurring can lead a child to believe that they permitted the abuse to be perpetrated, making them complicit. We know that's not true, but they don't. 

There are other reasons why children don't tell, but the above are some of the most common and known.